Gayle Pinto Bhella

A New Challenge Each Day

Gayle believes that she is the author, editor, and maker of her life. She faces every day with a smile and her ‘never give up’ attitude.

I, Gayle, am the author, editor, and maker of my life. It's a daily challenge to face everyday with a smile and wear a brave face to tell the world “Bring it on, I'm not giving up yet!"
With daily challenges, the list can be never-ending. So do I let it affect me? The answer is no.
Mostly, on all my good days, and I ensure they are more often good, I structure my mind to see the good in everything I come across.

It’s a hard time in life; when you realise you’re not getting older, but your heart is young enough to still feel love, care, and affection. Giving love, affection, and care makes it even more worthwhile to my 6-year-old son who lost his dad and my twin soul when he needed a lot of time with him. We both miss that. Having lost him has taught me what living is.

It's not what I earn, it's about how I earn my living to take care of three generations. I take care of my mom who is a patient of depression and hypertension, who has separated from her husband, myself for my life, and my son until he completes his education. From running one house with two incomes, I am now learning and challenging myself to run two houses with one income. My son is in a weekly boarding school, my mother living far off in our home, and I live closer to work on rent.

All three of us are divided within one city, living apart and catching up on weekends. A neat setup for each of our goals, needs, and mental peace. All this, within an income of 55k per month!

I was never a great planner or saver, I sacrificed everything from major education to good jobs offers to great career opportunities for family. First it was for my parents, then husband, then son. It's a desire to see myself being prepared to face any obstacle or challenge with a 10-year foolproof income or investment plan. However, I didn’t have a lot of savings. I’d invest in SIPs, mutual funds, stocks, and shares, so that I could earn an extra income; however, I don't have anything left to invest. Medical costs, education costs, daily requirements, paying off bills and petty expenses drill a hole in one's pocket.

I have a dream, a couple of aspirations to do something for the society, a more fulfilling , heart-warming, and value creating experience to make my life feel more worthwhile. But with no money to start up, that dream just seems to be getting pushed away and away from me.
There are days when I come home and hear voices within me saying, "Just quit your job Gayle - go follow your passion the rest will fall in place!" However, I freeze, I panic, I remind myself - in the real world you can't fullfil your desire to do something at the cost of your kid’s education or mom's health bills or ensuring they get food and shelter - that's being unfair to them. Every time this reality check hits me hard in between my eyes with a flashing array of never-ending battles to be fought, wars to be won - to be the father+mother to my son and son+daughter to my mom... I stand and stare in the hollow of the darkness. Where do I push my dreams and how far am I pushing them? For how long will I keep pushing them? I have no answer.

I can see myself do the things I desire to do - be a saving grace to children, animals, the aged, people battling terminal illness, underprivileged and survivors of great pain and sorrow, the lonely. I wish to give them time, if not my money, sharing enough smiles to last them a lifetime, giving them food which probably would have been wasted elsewhere. Being reachable, approachable, accessible 24*7. Having a team of my own that can do acts of rescue, save, and help... Ones that share similar goals and passion. So much, and much more…

I wish to give back to Mother Earth. Do I stand to make a change? Yes, I know I do... But how soon is the question I'm yet trying to figure out! But first, my responsibilities towards my offspring and the one I'm an offspring of, reminds me that I'm living in a very selfish and not a selfless world of my own. I got nothing saved to for myself leave aside anything for my mom's happy old age and my son's bright future.

I still challenge each day like it's going to get better - I know I can see it , feel it and get there someday I will. I am the captain of my ship, a one woman army and have a stronger mind body and soul... Bring it on, life! It's only getting better. When all doors close the is a small window open somewhere and if there isn't one, well, Gayle you are still the author, editor and maker of your life!

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